A Touching One...

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That di d it! "And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question "Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick..and I want to buy a miracle.""I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist. "His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?""We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little "Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does your brother need?" " I don't know, " Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.""How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago "One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly."And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to." "Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. "He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need." That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that h a d led them to this place. "That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child. In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need.A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Wives are Wives!

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'



What you are is God's gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.


Bon journee....

How I for do?

While growing up, I really used to despise the concept BROKEN ENGLISH, cos I never understood it as a variation.... Yeah, it's a variation. Until i did a course in my 3rd year in the Uni(that was when I was young cos now I'm old); NIGERIAN ENGLISH... Gosh, how I miss those classes we had!
Wait a sec, why is my thought in this area... Oh now I remember, I didn't know what title to give my subject and the line HOW I FOR DO popped up in my head!
So back to my PIDGIN CLASS, then in my younger days (emphasis on YOUNGER), I did not like people speaking BAD ENGLISH and of course I never learnt or showed interest in it sef... Until now that I'm older & the BAD ENGLISH is now so TUSH that when I hear some people speak I GO GREEN WITH ENVY (believe me.. lol...).
So now here I am thinking of going somewhere to LEARN the language (LANGUAGE? maybe)...
I so gbadun the flow that I don't want to speak GOOD ENGLISH anymore (sorry folks for sponsoring my sojourn through the Uni to read/study good ENGLISH)...

oh gats to go bac to work this cold saturday afternoon.... HOW I FOR DO NOW? lol...

I really do find some quick responses sooo amusing that I'd be pasting some of my favorites here. Pray they make your day! Enjoy!


Losing all your friendsMan comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.He shoots his friend and kills him.Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."
Brother wantedA small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....
Meaning of WIFEHusband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"
Importance of a periodTeacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."
Confident vs. confidentialA young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son, that's confidential!"
Anger management?Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"Wife: "I clean the toilet."Husband: "How does that help?"Wife: "I use your toothbrush."

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Guess._____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral._________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law