Out of Office Response- I Would Love to Try This Though

Stumbled on this, and I couldn't stop laughing! Imagine, I didn't wait to read to the end. I hope you enjoy it, just like I did. Top 45 Out-of-Office Responses Going on vacation, a business trip or quitting your job? Planning on enabling your automated Out of Office response? Don’t be boring and predictable! Use this as an opportunity to get creative. In the spirit of the movie Office Space, here are some clever out-of-office replies you can copy or use for inspiration. Have fun wherever you are going [via Examiner, Gleez and Ensight]. Vacation or Business Trip: 1. I am on vacation from mm/dd/yyyy to mm/dd/yyyy. I will allow each sender one email. If you send me multiple emails, I will randomly delete your emails until it is pared down to one. Choose wisely. Please note that you already sent me one email. 2. I am on paid leave right now for two weeks. When I get back, I will be on paid return. Upon completing my one week of paid return, I will address any issues or questions you have at a pace I am comfortable with. This is most likely a pace that you will not be comfortable with. 3. I will be out of the office and returning next week. I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you, it will not be used for work purposes. 4. I’m out of the office and returning tomorrow, at which time I will promptly delete all of your emails. 5. Hey there, could you give me a call instead? I’d rather deal with this over the phone. If I don’t answer, just keep trying. I’ve been having issues with my phone. 6. I am currently out of the office. If you can guess my cell phone number, then I will take your call. 7. I will be out of the office from mm/dd/yyyy to mm/dd/yyyy without access to email. If this is an emergency, please call 911. 8. I’m out of the office. If you have immediate questions or concerns, please contact my manager [insert name here]. If your questions or concerns are not immediate, you might want to ask yourself why you emailed me. 9. I will be away from work for one week while training. When I return, don’t expect any improvement. 10. I am currently in the office but swamped with work. This work was probably due to something you already requested. If you are sending me another request, go ahead and recall your email now. 11. I am out of the office at the moment. Unfortunately, I’m returning tomorrow. 12. I am currently interviewing for a new job. Upon my return, I hope to give my two weeks notice and never respond to your email. 13. I am away at lunch. You should consider trying it. P.S. – This is not an invitation. 14. Seacrest out. 15. I like balloons and cheese. 16. I am currently out of the office and probably out-of-my-mind drunk. Enjoy your work week. 17. I am currently in the bathroom dropping a deuce. If this is an urgent matter, it only takes me about 2-3 minutes to take a dump, wipe my butt, properly wash my hands of fecal matter, and return to my desk. Feel free to stop by my desk later and give me a high five! 18. (For men only) I am currently out of the office on maternity leave. 19. I am in the office but completely incapacitated by the monsterous Chinese buffet lunch I ate earlier today. It would be best if your questions waited until tomorrow. Thanks. 20. I am away from the office at this moment. I will still be away from the office at the next moment and returning at a later moment. If you have any issues at the current moment, and they cannot wait until a later moment, please contact my manager, who may actually be away at the moment. Moment. Moment. 21. I’m away from my desk right now. I still have my cubicle, but someone took my desk. I went looking for it. I’ll respond to you when my desk gets back to my cubicle. 22. (For females only) I’m on vacation through the 23rd. If you have any questions, issues, or concerns, please feel free to call my colleague [insert name here] while I’m out. If you’re a single guy, good looking, and want to travel to Mexico to have a little “fun”, call me at [insert phone number here]. 23. I’m out of the office due to a family emergency. Our DVR is on the fritz. I will return to work upon a succesful recording of Law & Order SVU on the USA network. 24. At doctor. Peepee like fire. 25. (For man or woman) I decided to take the morning off. Long story, but I have to drop off Pat O’Brien after an evening of one too many cocktails and copious amounts of booger sugar. I will respond to your email when I arrive at noon. 26. I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you. 27. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all. 28. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management 29. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 30. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 31. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’ (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 32. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 33. Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 34. I’ve run away to join a different circus. 35. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve’ Quitting Your Job: 36. I will be out of the office until… hell freezes over. 37. I am no longer able to check my email. The company and I came to a compromise and I am no longer able to come within 500 feet of the building. In exchange, I will not serve any time. Thanks for your understanding and I hope you find what you’re looking for, but it’s very likely I stole it. 38. Dear friends and foes, it is with great pleasure that I tell you I will no longer be responding to your god forsaken emails as I no longer work for this company. 39. Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages. 40. I am no longer working for the company. My last day was MM/DD/YYYY. The date is only provided for you to witness how long it takes IT to shut down my email address. 41. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. 42. They say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. I am currently testing that theory. Wish me luck. 43. I recently quit this job because of emails from people like you. I hope you are happy. 44. Over the past X years, I have provided you with many answers. Many of you thought I was incredibly resourceful. I may be gone, but you can still find the answers to all of your questions at the link here. 45. I left the company to pursue my dreams. If you need to reach me, I’ll be sitting on my couch watching TV. Read more: http://www.methodshop.com/2010/03/top-45-out-of-office-responses.shtml#ixzz2XG4yNVeC

RUTH... MY FRIEND, MY SISTER

Hmmm... I've been playing with this in my head for a while, and I've decided to let it out! Sister Ruth of God! You have been a friend, and a sister! You have been the constant ‘bestie of life’! You have been a pillar of support through the years! You have been Ruth, Ruchina, Ruthie, and most recent of all, Sister Ruth of God! You have been a constant figure in my life, even long before I understood why! I remember the days of FGC, Isashi Choir Practice, how you never failed to come 'pick' me with your Leggedez Benz. How did I get into Foursquare Isashi Choir? It was on your insistence. It wasn't a 'call' for me back then… & oh yes I remember, why I accepted to go with you, it was economical as the black & white uniform was perfect for my wardrobe... or lack of it  I also remember all the snide remarks we endured in the hands of Sis. Elebor, bro Kennedy, & the Most Senior PA to God- Bro Shina because of my ABEBELUBE... they didn't know me like you did ;) We always laughed at their ignorance! heehheheehee I can't forget days of no kobo at home, and how you would rise to the occasion... hmmm... this is still so true! You have been a true friend, my sister! I have knowledge of how David must have felt with Jonathan. Trust me; Jonathan has got nothing on you ;) From school days to now, you have always been interested in my wellbeing, and I still wonder, how could I ever repay this kindness?? I may never be able to repay any of it, but I won't fail to let the world know of you. A friend so true, sweet, kind, selfless, unassuming, gentle, quiet, strong, reliable, dependable, and altogether true... true there twice :) You are a woman of strength, no matter how much you try to hide behind your quiet self... I'm sure Loretta didn't see that coming! haahahaahaa I've been blessed with you in my life, and the least I can pray for is, your labour of love be rewarded. You have always been there for me, I can't help but imagine how you pull that through. Mama's blessed having you as daughter! I don't envy Martini, Anna, Victor & Elizabeth... cos I top the list of your siblings :p You are a rare gem, and more blessed is the man who finds you! This is just a LINE to say THANK YOU! LOVE YOU! MISS YOU!

Praise Him I Will

MY GOD IS A GOOD GOD, YES HE IS! Yelz o! I'm feeling so high on God this morning. Let's just say I got thrilled by this morning's devotional memory verse, I quote "For He is my God, and I will praise Him" Ex.15:2 (NKJV)Alleluia! The story-line talks about God being MOST POWERFUL! And I truly agree. It assures me that, there is nothing on earth that should overwhelm my Spirit as a child of God. And I can't stop singing of His goodness. Aribiti Arabata! The Great I Am! The Almighty God! The Only Wise God! The Creator, not Created! The Beginning and the End! The All Sufficient One! The Ancient of Days! The One who sits in Heaven and made the whole earth His Footstool! Kabioosi! Kabiyesi! I love you Most High God! Thank You for making Me Yours!

D.R.A.M.A

Hiya! Looks like someone has got some ME time uhn? Considering all the drama going on round me, I should be swallowed up, but NAY, I refuse to allow anything/one steal my moment. Sometime last week, I had a perfect (or so I thought)plan on how to make things happen for me this year, and the only thing I didn't do was to write it down. You know what the Bible says about 'write the vision ...? If only I had paid attention! Now I can't seem to know what I had planned, choi! Anyways, I bet it will come again, amen! Drama in the Work Place! Why do some people act like they own the earth when they are not even ... never mind we would come to that some other day. Drama in the LOVE LIFE! hahaha... levels have finally changed o! That I have a 'love life' is a testimony. Don't get it twisted, this is the IT we all have been waiting for, so come join me sing ALLELUIA... erm errr there is still drama sha. Drama in... See ehn, there is plenty drama all around me. Some created and directed by humble me, others I can't say I have a clue how I got in the middle of. In all, I have decided I just need to get a lot more serious with my Spiritual Walk. Everything will be demystified when I get highly spiritual. You know why? Very simple! I will become privy to a lot of things before they manifest in the physical, that way, I cannot be moved! Lailai! As I go on this 2013, I promise will try to be good to all that I come in contact with. If they reciprocate, fine; if not, fine. I don't want my life dependent on anyone's action or inaction, so help me God. A lot of stuff is coming into perspective, and I am ready to go all out to be all that God wants me to be. I am tired waiting to be validated by beings who may just be waiting for me to validate them... lol... this life itself is a BALL OF DRAMA

I'M THE ONE WHO IS PONDERING....

Hey! How does one stumble on one's property? That's what just happened to me, stumbling on my blog. I can't help but shake my head for me. So, it's been how many minutes I have been away? Oh yeah, not up to 60 minutes huh? I knew it, I am always right on time. Permit me to say, Happy New Year! Or would you rather I said 'Years'? It's indeed a new year, and one that I'm must expectant in... yeah I know, like every other year. Seriously though, this year is gonna be just fab! Trust me okay? Cos this is the year the Lord hath made, and I so choose to rejoice and remain glad in it. Alleluia! In my 30+ years in life, I have seen so much, and heard so much, that I stop to wonder sometimes, if I saw or read right. Top on my list right now is the picture of an infant dug up! As in buried and dug up. Now guess what... the baby is still very much alive! Praise God! In as much as I am excited about the baby's second chance to live, I still can't shake off the reality of what had happened... someone... as in a living being with blood streaming round his/her veins, dug a pit, and threw in a baby, and left him for dead! Lord have mercy! I can't believe there is a rationale for such an action. Now I am pondering... who could have done this? The mother? A ritualist? A jealous neighbour? A wicked step-mother? Who on earth could be that callous? Why on earth would anyone want to do that? Wait a second, could there not have been a better way round whatever the situation that prompted this act? Could there be any tenable excuses for such an act? Why is the heart of man so desperately wicked? Is there no cure for wickedness? I need answers, where do I get them?

WHEN NOT IN A MOOD

(I cannot say how and when I got so fascinated with the word SO, hardly can a minute go by without me saying or typing it… should be a phase I guess)… so, I woke up this morning, thanks to God for the gift of life :D and was in great spirits before I received a mail that shattered my morning! No, no one died; nor did anyone lose a job; Nah. Ok, I won’t talk about it now maybe some other time when I believe I should be thinking clearly. What’s important to me now is keeping a date with this project until I fully birth it to life; yup, giving it flesh and essence. Something everyone would look forward to and share in. How that’s gonna be possible is still not known to me considering I don’t particularly enjoy writing! So, what’s my business here shey? Like Lulu said to me yesterday “you are just a porous blogger” haaahhhaaaa… maybe or not! Catching my fun right now jo. This is so random and I’m not gonna deceive no one, mbanu. As I go on though I hope to have it all defined soonest… trust me, this one talent shant be buried (you remember the parable of the talents bah? “To one was given five, to another two and to another one …”). Hmmmmm….. I need to take time off now and be back later in the day **hopefully** SO till then keep hoping with me :*

WHY SECRETS?

So I'm here today because ... nah not the song jo; lol
Yaaayyyyy... Made it here again, ok, let's just say this passion is for real. No?
I didn't have a particular topic when I started out this morning but hey just got this inspiration and would love to talk about it! SECRETS
Why do we keep secrets? whyyyyy??!!
Heard (or read, whatever jo!) a story recently about a married couple:
"A guy has for the past 6 years paid rent to an agent for a house he and the wife live in, but his wife owns it. The 1yr rent policy by Lagos State Government made the agent want 10% commission & that’s how wahala broke out and husband found out" as in asiri tu big time!
Yet another story from a married couple, wife discloses after 35years of marriage that two out of the five children given birth to in the family belong to the husband; one of the two belonging to the husband happens to be an imbecile while the other is an undergraduate. Guess the positions of these two children..... 4th and 5th respectively! The first three are already Masters Holders from Ivy League schools abroad; well placed in the society if I may add. Hmmmmm asiri nla 101!
Let’s not get it twisted. Secrets don’t lie in the bosoms of the married alone; not at all! But I find it particularly heart-wrenching to hear of homes built on lies! Fatal lies gan sef, ahn ahn! Hiding; keeping or burying secret just shows there is some harm waiting to happen, no?
Two scriptures come to mind, Amos 3:3 “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (NLT); and Jer 17:9 “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (NLT)
Like seriously, why bother opening up? Why not just go to the grave with your secrets? Why shatter lives with such revelations? Such trauma your best kept secrets would have averted, no?! If you didn’t have the nerve to make it public at the word go, why change your mind suddenly?
Secrets somehow have got this evil ring around it which is why it takes so much strength to keep; hide or bury. Come clean (or dirty a your case maybe :D) and let your stands be widely known and accepted… just kidding, your choices cannot always be accepted but trust me people will kinda appreciate you for who you are----------- usually on the long run sha
On a lighter note, what secrets do I have? Shock shock shock, no way am I telling, come shoot me! Lol…